Ok. . .so last week I prepped my head to get through the anger that was ‘lettergate’ and a few other changes need to happen. See previous post.
I feel like shit. Because I am the size of a house. Ok maybe not a freaking house. But like an outhouse at least.
So as I sort through my brain, I also need to sort through this blob of a body.
Do you know whats really fucking hard. When you once were an athlete with seriously awesome legs, and abs…like actual real ones, and swimming for 3.1kilometres between Palm beach and whale beach was no big deal. Seriously I used to swim 4-7 sessions of swimming training a week(easily) And then now 20 years later I can’t walk without the breeze hurting my body because the pain is a mutha fucker. So I start to exercise, then the pain the next few days is so shit, I don’t feel at all motivated to do more. So my mind needs to be stronger to push this bull fuckery!!
I’ve recently started to change a few things to help with this next journey. I feel like the last 20 years I’ve tried to lose weightand nothing happens. Sometimes I lose some weight. Sometimes I don’t. I just know I’ve never felt like I haven’t been watching what I eat or doing like weight watchers or something.
It’s hard because moving is very painful. My spine is crooked.
That my wonky spine. When I was younger I remember it being uncomfortable, but because I was swimming so much and doing a whole heap of other sports it wasn’t as obviously painful as it is now. Plus I’m 30kg heavier than I should be.
I don’t eat really all that bad. But I don’t move. Ever. I use my couch as an office, because hard chairs hurt my bones and I have some nerve pain in my hip, so I’m usually working away on this comfy as fuck couch with a heat pack. So I avoid exercise. It used to be something dominating my life. Especially swimming. And I like swimming. Even now I like it because my giant blobs of fat are all of a sudden weightless and my back doesn’t hurt as much being in the water. My muscles hurt like hell, but I like that pain. It means they are getting some movement and I recently jumped in the pool and realised as soon as I got past the pain barrier, and the obvious lack of fitness, I would be an awesome swimmer again. I raced the people in the lanes next to me and 50 metres was pretty easy and I totally won. . .even though they didn’t know we were racing. I realised I am So not fit, but my body easily remembered how to pump through the water. I imagine it probably looked similar to that of a killer whale. . . so majestic and fast. . but massive as fuck 
Your body has an athletic memory though. My body knows how to swim well. My fitness level is having a fucking heart attack over there though, but she will make it back slowly.
Winter is coming. And for a chunker like me, I don’t mind the cold cos my delightful thunder thighs keep me warm. But my bones hate it. The pain is starting to get more intense as the nights get cooler. I have my heat pack on all day and night with short breaks. So I need to help my sore bones and lose weight. I figure if I write it down here, and share a little bit of progress it might motivate me more.
If you’re on a weight loss journey or perhaps a fitness journey, let’s get through this bastard together.
I have to go super slow. I can’t do a lot of hardcore fitness training. But I use ‘My fitness pal’ app and once I get into the rhythm of using it, it’s really helpful. I’ve recently started acupuncture which has already in a few sessions helped my nerve pain from my shingles in my shoulder and arm. I know I will need it more and it won’t disappear, but it really has helped.
Theres always a reason you only ever see my face(heavily filtered) or with Kylie Jenner face on my own on snapchat.
(this is not my real face)
I don’t ever have full body photos.
And its been making me sad I don’t have photos with my kids because I can’t stand seeing myself in photos. One day I will be heartbroken that I didn’t take photos with them more.
Steve does need to learn to take 76 photos at a time though. Why do husbands always take 1 photo and that’s it…and I’m usually holding my head back so my neck disappears and one of my eyes half blinks and I’m usually sneezing and half bending so I have new muffin top on top of the regular muffin top. . . JUST TAKE 298 PHOTOS from an angle up higher and with lighting you have brought from home that makes me sparkle and takes 30 kg off my body.
Its Monday. So that means I am ‘getting healthy’ I seem to do this every Monday. But its written down now and you guys can come along for the ride. Lets lose some weight shall we. I’m not thinking about the total amount, just 5 kg at a time. I want to be able to enjoy clothes. I freaking LOVE fashion. And I’m sick of wearing the same 2 things because that’s all that fits. Time to push past the pain. Its going to suck balls. But I can do it.
Are you on any sort of health journey. Lets motivate each other