Sooooooo, yesterday I may have lost my shit at two women who didn’t deserve it. Well actually I didn’t lose it at them, I lost it at Coco.
So these two women were laughing and talking to each other quite loudly out the front of our house. Our house is at the bottom of a steepish driveway and people park up on the street out front. These ladies were having a good ol laugh, but Coco was pacing the house and really getting frantic, which she usually does when someone is coming down the drive and she can’t quite get to them to say hello.
The dog loves people. Like she has got to be the absolute shittest guard dog on the earth. The only thing that may deter a robber, would be what she looks like and her size. Some people are petrified of her when they see her because she is a big white wolf. But she is a cuddly polar bear and usually lies on the ground and makes you rub her belly.
She picks up on energy our Cocobear. I think most animals get your vibe. So if someone was a threat, she would put herself between us and them, and if any type of animal tried to come near us she she would probably eat them So Possums and bush turkeys BEWARE. Dont even THINK about stealing my $90 couch from vinnies. . .you’ve been warned.
So I think she thought these ladies were coming down to see us and she couldn’t handle the anticipation. She was going between the front door and side gate howling and talking like the lunatic she is.
So one thing we have had since Coco came home at 8 weeks, was a baby gate at the front door. It’s not just for her. It was for Minty as well, and because she has been trained to ‘respect the gate’ since date dot, she has not once tried to get over it. She is bigger than the gate, but she knows she has to stand behind it. She has sat at that gate crying and howling like she was being stabbed when we were at our old house while we washed the car because she couldn’t ‘access us’. Shes a beast. She could step over it easily, but she knows she would get in trouble. We respect the gate in this house.
So as these ladies are talking more, Coco is fretting more and getting all excited, and all of a sudden comes bolting past me when I told her to ‘sit down and relax’ and she gallops over the fucking GATE and the blood inside me boiled. Now usually I get a bit pissed off, and roll my eyes and firmly tell her to come back if she runs, but Coco is an asshole sometimes. We have spent more money on her training and dog daycare, than we spend on Mintys kindy. Minty only started kindy this year because we couldn’t afford to send her earlier because Coco can’t be left alone and has to go to daycare if we need to be out for the day and you don’t get rebates at dog day care. We are REALLY strict with Coco. We have been since day one. We spent years learning about Alaskan Malamutes, and we spent some time around different arctic breeds in Canada and we knew they were harder to train than a regular dog because they are super stubborn and very clever/stupid. stupidest smart dog alive. LUCKY she is so adorable.
So the fact that she is now 2 years old, and still gets trained every single day, and STILL wont come back when she is called drives.me.up.the.fucking.wall!!!! Every trainer on earth tells you to not get angry at your dog when they wont come back, but after TWO YEARS, I needed to lose my shit today. 
So Coco jumps the fence, which pissed me off, because now she knows she can jump it and for 2 years hasn’t even blinked at it, then she bolts up TO THE ROAD where the women are laughing as loud as possible, and of course my knee has been SO swollen and SO painful lately. I had a full knee reconstruction 20 years ago and the last year we found out it has a little tear in it, so it flares up every now and then and today the heat has pumped it up. So UP the fucking drive I go while I’m pretending to be ‘calm’ and of course Coco doesn’t come back because the ladies are hugging her and giving her attention and laughing more, which usually I would be all Cool and roll my eyes at her dopey ass, and one of the women says so nicely “oh don’t worry she is so fine” and instead of me just saying “oh yes she is a silly puppy isn’t she, c’mon Coco back inside” and grab her go inside, instead the rage inside me from 2 years of exhaustion from an animal that 90 percent of others would have sent to the rescue and not turned back, makes me say “actually it’s not fucking fine, if you had a small dog right now she wold have fucking killed it” . . .because thats a normal polite response isnt it. NO its NOT! Even as I said the words I knew I was an asshole.
The reality of it is though, these women were just being nice to her, most people are and I am ALWAYS nice. But giving her that attention just makes the training so much harder for us. But they didn’t know that. We ask people to not talk to her until she is calm, because you don’t reward excited erratic behaviour. We don’t even talk to Coco when we walk in the door until she sits quietly and isn’t making a fuss. She still loses her shit with excitement if Steve goes to get Milk and comes back 7 minutes later. But he wont talk to her until she is calm. She is much better than when she was a puppy, but we have to train her forever. Just like we have to make sure our kids are not assholes and do the right thing. Its parenting.
But today on the top of my driveway, I was that parent at the shops that has an apocalyptic meltdown when their kid has a tanty or fights with their sibling. And you look at that parent and think, ‘ok I know your kid was being silly but was that the right way to react?!’. . . It wasnt the right way to react. And I know the poor women realised they were talking a bit too loudly and may have caused Coco to get as excited as she did, because they remained up there talking for a further 10 minutes and I didn’t hear one word and Coco went to sleep on the deck because she realised they weren’t here for her plus her mum went all Apocalypse Now on her ass. She kept her distance from me for a while. And for about a half hour after I was still pretty pissed off, which is a super long time for me to be angry. 
So I am VERY SORRY two ladies who I am sure I scared the crap out of. Also, Coco and I stand out. My pink hair with a giant white dog, it takes people like 4 seconds of talking about us to work out its us. So to those ladies. I’m sorry you had to cop the wrath of Jayde.
The Wrath of Jayde is a real thing. It comes out very rarely. Because I am actually a nice person. Just not today 
But if you push me too much for too long, the wrath of Jayde comes out and its a bit scary. It happens maybe 1-2 times a year at the most. And it’s because I am not angry a lot. I need to almost ration my anger out a bit throughout the year, maybe get a little livid once a month and then the wrath of Jayde wont come out. But I just don’t get that angry. If anything I get upset and anxious, but not really angry for very long about anything.
But that’s no excuse for being super assholey to the nice ladies who just wanted to pat the gorgeous dog who is sometimes an asshole.
I’m Sorry