(photo source)
Ok. So there has been a quiet here for a couple of months. But you guys, I totally have a good excuse.
You see dear friends of the inter webs, I totally burnt my skull from the inside by saying ‘yes’ to absolutely everything last year. I wanted to experience new things and build great relationships and just try to ‘do it all’.
I quite like the pressure of having way too much shit on my plate … but do you know what happens when there is way too much shit on your plate?! It spills over the sides and ruins everything. Shit smells.
2015 was a mother fucker of a year. I don’t think I’ve ever gone a whole year with so many lows and intensity as our family had last year. It was also a massive year for so many people I know. It all started when Mercury went into retrograde and just fucked up the earths mojo for so many.
It was also a year of some rad highs. So the balance was okish, but the intensity was hardcore. When LETTERGATE blew me off the richter scale, I think that may have been the turning off of the safety of my metaphoric gun, and then some news that sent my anxiety sky rocketing was the trigger. I was shot with Shingles.
Now with any sort of virus or cold or whatever, you take your antibiotics have a rest for a week and drink tea at night and watch ALL the tv shows. Shingles isn’t that type of sick.
It started as a small cluster on my back that hurt like a bitch. I though I had been bitten by a family of Mozzies who were on vacation, and my blood was the swim up pool bar. I have a mild allergy to insects and the bites usually just swell a bit more and my joints can get swollen, so I though I was dealing with insects on steroids. My bones ached for a couple of days, more than my usual every day pain, and I thought because I hadn’t been to my Chiro for a few weeks that my body was just being weak and needed to suck it up. But the bites hurt a lot. Like someone was burning me and bee’s were stinging me constantly in the one spot. I went to the dr and she said it was shingles, and I had to have anti viral tablets to get the rash down and just rest and I was actually lucky it went down within about 10 days.
After a week though, I went back and the pain through my shoulder and down my arm was ridiculous. I had acquired some after shock bullshit, called Post hepatic neuralgia which made me go all squirmy when the Dr said it cos I though I got some manky new disease. It’s basically nerve pain. And nothing but pain killers helps. Like NOTHING.
I asked what I should do and the Dr wanted me to ‘be still’. So I was meant to sit still on the couch, with two kids, it was dead in the middle of Xmas in our shop and xmas in a retail store is CRAY MUTHAFUCKING CRAY. and I was expected to sit. I wasn’t allowed to even make dinner. And I thought it was all bullshit about ‘being still’ because I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I attempted to do a few things around the house, like nothing strenuous, and the pain after was unbelievable. So it was actually real. I had to just be still.
So for all of December, I have seriously sat on my couch. I did all my Xmas shopping online, and the only thing I did that required moving was pick the kids up from school and kindy, and I just ate pain killers and did my thang. Lucky about 87% of my job is on my computer, so I worked non stop, and was able to sit and enter all the Xmas stock every day that was being delivered from home. And then Steve and Mum would just print up all the barcodes in the shop. It actually worked really well. And because of it, next year I will do a lot more stock entering from home. I get SO much done when I have to sit still.
It’s been so painful. But it’s getting better. I keep overdoing it a bit by going out to like office works or groceries and then at night the pain is intense, but it’s so much more manageable.
It’s also forced me to slow down. And last year was all about saying ‘YES’ and I’ve decided, that this year, I am going to think things through and really work out if I am able to do them. I have always just said ‘yes’ and then worked things out after. This year I am going to say ‘NO’ more.
And that’s ok!
I have Goals. But not resolutions. I want this year to be about productivity, and growth in my business. And peace in my mind. I don’t want a year full of intense anxiety. I know I will always have my anxiety disorder, but if I let go of a few things, I will be able to cope with it a lot better.
-I am going to plan more. Organisation will help with this.
-I am going to read actual books. I didn’t get to read ONE fiction book last year. I LOVE to read. But time just didn’t allow for it.
-I am going to Learn more. I try to learn constantly, but I want to do a few more mini courses.
-I am going to go slower.
-I am going to say ‘N0’.
-I am going to breath.
I never ever make resolutions. I used to make them and then get all disappointed when I didn’t achieve them. But when I make small goals for myself, there isn’t a time limit and its about making my life easier so that I can be more productive and have more time to be creative.